You know, I am sitting alone with a pot of tea and a glass of wine.. yes, I mix my drinks… and I am thinking.
I am in the middle of my life… middle age, I guess. I am between the known and the unknown, and I ponder a great deal about where I have been and where I am going. I don’t mind my past, it was interesting and full of surprises, but I think I understand why so many people have a “midlife crisis”. Youth goes by so quickly, and in hindsight, it seems like more doors were left closed than were ever opened. Of course that is never the case, but it seems so.
Perhaps what is truly the case is that we find ourselves wondering if the doors which were left closed held some secret, some great promise of purpose in our lives that was somehow overlooked and now we are left without the key… wondering.
Myself, I was fortunate, as I have always felt I have lived life backwards. My youth was not so great… my twenties were full of hard luck, hard lessons and hard work… and my thirties had a lot to do with standing up for myself, setting boundaries and taking out the garbage.
It is only now that I am 40 that I feel as though I have something to share… to give. A purpose.
I know I left some doors closed, and of course there are times when I wonder, but I never question the road I have taken for it has brought me to where I am, and that is not all bad.
I may not be completely satisfied with every aspect of my life, but I do know that no matter what I learn, what I see or what falls upon me, it will be okay.
Enough about me… blame the tea or the wine, but I felt the need to muse.